VISITING AUTHOR-ARTICLE

OCTOBER 2009

AMERICAN AID SOCIETY

And Now Its Joke Time

By Richard Gunther

AAS Seniorengruppe Representative

Forwarded by American Aid Society, Chicago

          A police car pulls up in front of grandma's Susie's house and grandpa Fritz gets out.  The police officer explains that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and could not find his way home. "Oh Fritz," said grandma. "You've been going to that park for over thirty years! So how could you get lost?" Leaning close to grandma so the policeman couldn't hear, Fritz whispered. "I wasn't lost, I was just too tired to walk home."

          Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar.

          A foolish husband says to his wife: "Honey, you should stick to washing, ironing, cooking and scrubbing. No wife of mine is going to work."

          Many girls like to marry an army man.

                   - he can cook, sew, make beds, and is in good health

                   - and he is already used to taking orders.

          It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the cost of living.

          A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

          I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

          When you go to court you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

          Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better even though I have it!!   Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. or called Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,  put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye—they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to  put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

          At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter, the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

          Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail....