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LANDESVERBAND USA
NEWSLETTER AND MAGAZINE
LIFE
AND LEISURE
 02/24/13
April May June 2011
Volume 6 Number 2
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A
Point in Life
Forwarded
by Magdalena Metzger
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There
comes a point in your life
when you realize:
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Who
matters,
Who
never did,
Who
won't anymore...
And
who always will.
So,
don't worry about people from
your past,
There's
a reason why they didn't make
it to your future.
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Give
these flowers to everyone you
don't want to lose in 2011
Including
me, if that's what is in your
heart.
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
APRIL
2011
Relationship
With A Significant Other
Forwarded
By Sgt. James S. Thornton
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If you want someone who will
eat whatever you put in front
of him and never say it's not
quite as good as his mother's
...
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then
adopt a dog.
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adopt a dog. |
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If you want someone always
willing to go out, at any
hour, for as long and wherever
you want ...
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If you want someone who will
never touch the remote,
doesn't care about football,
and can sit next to you as you
watch romantic movie
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then
adopt a dog.
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then
adopt a dog.
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If you want someone who is
content to get on your bed just
to warm your feet and whom you
can push off if he snores
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If you want someone who never
criticizes what you do, doesn't
care if you are pretty or ugly,
fat or thin, young or old, who
acts as if every word you say is
especially worthy of listening
to, and loves you
unconditionally, perpetually ...
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adopt a dog. |
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then adopt a cat! |
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BUT, on the other hand, if you
want someone who will never come
when you call, ignores you
totally when you come home,
leaves hair all over the place,
walks all over you, runs around
all night and only comes home to
eat and sleep, and acts as if
your entire existence is solely
to ensure his happiness ...
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You thought I was gonna say ...
marry a man, didn't you?
Send this to all the women you
know to brighten their day. Send
this to all the men just to
annoy them!
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You
...
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...
have a GREAT Day!
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APRIL
2011
TRULY
AWESOME
Forwarded
by Jon C. Zimmerman
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IF
WE KEEP
OUR EYE
SIMPLE OUR
WHOLE BODY
WILL BE BRIGHT
!
Live
with
laughter
and love
with all
your
heart......
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It
was
a
busy
morning,
about
8:30,
when
an
elderly
gentleman
in
his
80's
arrived
to
have
stitches
removed
from
his
thumb.
He
said
he
was
in
a
hurry
as
he
had
an
appointment
at
9:00
am.
I
took
his
vital
signs
and
had
him
take
a
seat,
knowing
it
would
be
over
an
hour
before
someone
would
to
able
to
see
him.
I
saw
him
looking
at
his
watch
and
decided,
since
I
was
not
busy
with
another
patient,
I
would
evaluate
his
wound.
On
exam,
it
was
well
healed,
so
I
talked
to
one
of
the
doctors,
got
the
needed
supplies
to
remove
his
sutures
and
redress
his
wound.
While
taking
care
of
his
wound,
I
asked
him
if
he
had
another
doctor's
appointment
this
morning,
as
he
was
in
such
a
hurry.
The
gentleman
told
me
no,
that
he
needed
to
go
to
the
nursing
home
to
eat
breakfast
with
his
wife.
I
inquired
as
to
her
health.
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He
told
me
that
she
had
been
there
for
a
while
and
that
she
was
a
victim
of
Alzheimer's
Disease.
As
we
talked,
I
asked
if
she
would
be
upset
if
he
was
a
bit
late.
He
replied
that
she
no
longer
knew
who
he
was,
that
she
had
not
recognized
him
in
five
years
now.
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I
was
surprised,
and
asked
him,
'And
you
still
go
every
morning,
even
though
she
doesn't
know
who
you
are?'
He
smiled
as
he
patted
my
hand
and
said,
'She
doesn't
know
me,
but
I
still
know
who
she
is.'
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I
had
to
hold
back
tears
as
he
left;
I
had
goose
bumps
on
my
arm,
and
thought,
'That
is
the
kind
of
love
I
want
in
my
life.'
True
love
is
neither
physical,
nor
romantic.
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True
love
is
an
acceptance
of
all
that
is,
has
been,
will
be,
and
will
not
be.
With
all
the
jokes
and
fun
that
are
in
e-mails,
sometimes
there
is
one
that
comes
along
that
has
an
important
message..
This
one
I
thought
I
could
share
with
you.
The
happiest
people
don't
necessarily
have
the
best
of
everything;
they
just
make
the
best
of
everything
they
have.
I
hope
you
share
this
with
someone
you
care
about.
I
just
did.
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'Life
isn't
about
how
to
survive
the
storm,
But
how
to
dance
in
the
rain.'
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We
are all
getting
Older
Tomorrow
may be our
turn.
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VISITING
AUTHOR-ARTICLE
MARCH
2011
Fender
Skirts
by
Joseph Stein
Forwarded
by American Aid Society, Chicago
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I know some of you will not understand
this message, but I bet you know someone
who might. I came across this phrase
yesterday. 'FENDER SKIRTS.'
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A term I haven't heard in a long time,
and thinking about Fender skirts' started me
thinking about other words that quietly disappear
from our language
with hardly a notice like 'curb feelers.'
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And “steering knobs”, AKA, “suicide
knobs”?, “necker’s knobs” ??
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Since I'd been thinking of cars, my mind naturally
went that direction first. Any kids will
probably have to find some older
person over 55 to explain some of these
terms to you.
Remember 'Continental kits?' They were
rear bumper extenders and spare tire
covers that were supposed to make any car as cool
as a Lincoln Continental.
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When did we quit calling them 'emergency
brakes?' At some point 'parking brake'
became the proper term. But I miss
the hint of drama that went with 'emergency
brake.'
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I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks
are gone who would call the accelerator
the foot feed.' Many today do not even
know what a clutch is or that the dimmer
switch used to be on the floor.
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Didn't you ever wait at the street for
your daddy to come home, so you could
ride the 'running board' up to the house?
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Here's a phrase I heard all the time in
my youth but never anymore - 'store-bought.'
Of course, just about everything
is store-bought these days. But once
it was bragging material to have a
store-bought dress or a store-bought bag
of candy.
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'Coast to coast' is a phrase that once held
all sorts of excitement and now means
almost nothing. Now we take the term
“World wide” for granted. This floors me.
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On a smaller scale, 'wall-to-wall' was once
a magical term in our homes. In the
'50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood
floors with, wow, wall-to-wall carpeting!
Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall
carpeting with hardwood floors. Go
figure.
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When was the last time you heard the
quaint phrase 'in a family way?' It's hard
to imagine that the word 'pregnant' was
once considered a little too graphic, a little too
clinical for use in polite company,
so we had all that talk about stork
visits and "being in a family way' or
simply 'expecting.'
Apparently “brassiere' is a word no longer
in usage. I said it the other day and
my daughter cracked up. I guess it's
just 'bra' now. 'Unmentionables' probably
wouldn't be understood at all.
I always loved going to the 'picture show,' but I
considered 'movie' an affectation.
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Most of these words go back to the '50s,
but here's a pure '60s word I came across the
other day 'rat fink.' Ooh, what a nasty put-down!
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Here's a word I miss -'percolator.' That was just
a fun word to say. And what
was it replaced with? 'Coffee maker.'
How dull... Mr. Coffee, I blame you
for this.
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I miss those made-up marketing words that were
meant to sound so modern
and now sound so retro. Words like
'DynaFlow' and 'Electrolux.' Introducing the 1963
Admiral TV, now with 'Spectra
Vision!'
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Food for thought. Was there a telethon that wiped
out lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore.
Maybe that's
what castor oil cured, because I
never hear mothers threatening kids with
castor oil anymore.
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Some words aren't gone, but are definitely
on the endangered list. The one that grieves me
most is 'supper.' Now everybody says 'dinner.'
Save a great word.
Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.
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Someone forwarded this to me. I thought some of us
of a 'certain age' would remember most of these.
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Just for fun, pass it along to others of
'a certain age.'
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
APRIL
2011
TRUE
LOVE
Forwarded
by Jon C. Zimmerman
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For
all the
great
couples I
know
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Brings
a tear to
your eye!
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
MARCH
2011
Mais
Uma Projeção 3D Sensacional
Forwarded
By Sgt. James S. Thornton
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Mais
uma projeção 3D sensacional
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The human eye and brain
automatically concentrates on
the brightest object, which is
the light show.
3D
LIGHT SHOW!
SIMPLY
SPECTACULAR!!!!!
This amazing 3-D light
show was projected on the
face of a building in
Portugal.
The lighting engineers,
who developed the show and
technology, are all
under
the age of 25.
Such talent...You've
not seen anything like it
before!
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
APRIL
2011
PUN
HUMOR
FOR
THOSE WITH A HIGHER IQ
Forwarded
by Eduard Grünwald
Those
who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A
man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon
vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice
safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun
wedding - A case of wife or death.
A
man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A
hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing
cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play
Does
the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms
should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading
while sunbathing makes you well red.
When
two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A
bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's
the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
Time
flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In
democracy your vote counts. In Feudalism your count
votes.
She
was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it
off.
A
chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If
you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
With
her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The
man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully
recovered.
You
feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local
Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
Every
calendar's days are numbered.
A
lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.
A
boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He
had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A
midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small
medium at large.
Once
you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers
trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's
helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture
is a jab well done.
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
APRIL
2011
How
to Stop the Church Gossip
Forwarded
By Eddy Palffy
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Mildred, the church gossip,
and self-appointed monitor
of the church's morals, kept
sticking her nose into
other people's business.
Several members did not
approve of her extra
curricular activities,
but feared her enough to
maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however,
when she accused Frank,
a new member to the church,
of being an alcoholic after
she saw his old pickup
truck parked in
front of the town's only pub one
afternoon..
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She emphatically told Frank
(and several others) that
every one seeing it there
WOULD KNOW
WHAT HE WAS DOING!
Frank, a man of few words,
stared at her for a moment
and just turned and walked
away. He didn't
explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing.
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Later that evening, Frank
quietly parked his pickup in
front of Mildred's house ...
Walked
home...
and
left it there all night.
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
APRIL
2011
MONEY
BAGS FOR ME ???
Forwarded
by Dale Weber
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The
Internet
Hoax:
Money
Bags For
Me
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This
is
interesting:
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THIS
IS
THE
ONLY
TIME
WE
WILL
SEE
AND
LIVE
THIS
EVENT
Calendar
for
July
2011
(United
States)
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July
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Sun
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Mon
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Tue
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Wed
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Thu
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Fri
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Sat
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1
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2
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3
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4
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5
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6
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7
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8
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9
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10
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11
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12
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13
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14
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15
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16
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17
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18
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19
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20
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21
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22
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23
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25
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26
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27
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28
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29
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30
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31
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Phases
of
the
moon:
1:
 8:
15:
23:
30:
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Holidays
and
Observances:
4:
Independence
Day
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This
year,
July
has
5
Fridays,
5
Saturdays
and
5
Sundays.
This
happens
once
every
823
years.
This
is
called
money
bags.
So,
forward
this
to
your
friends
and
money
will
arrive
within
4
days.
Based
on
Chinese
Feng
Shui.
The
one
who
does
not
forward.....will
be
without
money.
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Have
you
seen
the
following
message
that
has
been
circulating
around
Facebook
lately?
Money
bags
for
me!!!
I'm
not
superstitious,
but
this
year
July
has
5
Fridays,
5
Saturdays
and
5
Sundays.
This
happens
once
every
823
years.
This
is
called
money
bags.
So,
copy
this
to
your
status
and
money
will
arrive
within
4
days...based
on
Chinese
Feng
Shui.
One
of
our
loyal
readers
asked
us
to
check
into
the
matter,
and
this
is
what
we
found
out.
Just
a
quick
Google
search
revealed
that
this phenomenon
occurs
much
more
often
than
823
years.
One
source
stated
that
the
same calendar
anomaly will
happen
again
in 2016,
2022
and
2033.
Another
user
on
the
forum
corrected
the
original
poster
by
advising
of
the July
2011
event.
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For
those
of
you
unfamiliar
with
Feng
Shui,
it
is
an
ancient
Chinese
system
of aesthetics
believed
to
use
the
laws
of
Heaven
and
Earth
to help
one
improve
life
by
receiving
positive
energy.
We
searched
several
Feng
Shui
sites,
and
we
could
find
no
reference
to
this
event
bringing
luck.
But
for
those
of
you
interested
in
exploring
the possibility
that
real
Feng
Shui
might
bring
you
some
good
luck,
check
out
this
website:
http://www.lucky-fengshui.com/
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Now
it
would
be
very
nice
if
these
rare
events
were based
on
Feng
Shui,
but
don't
get
your
hopes
up
about
money
bags
coming
to
you.
The
trick
here
is
that
anytime
a
31
day
month
starts
on
a
Friday
you
will
experience
5
Fridays,
5
Saturdays
and
5
Sundays.
I
hope
we
didn't
burst
your
bubble!
It
would
be
nice
if
you
could
post
a
message
on
Facebook
and
money
bags
would
appear
4
days
later. Don't
quit
your
day
job
and
stop
posting
this
silly
message
to
your
Facebook
friends.
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http://www.facecrooks.com/safety-center/scam-watch/item/988-internet-hoax-money-bags-for-me
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
MARCH
2011
Holy
Humor
Forwarded
By Sgt. James S. Thornton
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A
father was approached by his
small son who told him
proudly, "I know what the
Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied,
"What do you mean, you
'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his
father. "What does the Bible
mean?"
"That's easy,
Daddy..." the young boy
replied excitedly," It
stands for 'Basic Information
Before Leaving Earth.'
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There
was a very gracious
lady who was mailing an old
family Bible to her
brother in another part of
the country.
"Is there anything
breakable in here?" asked
the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments."
answered the lady.
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"Somebody
has said there are only two
kinds of people in the
world. There are those who
wake up in the morning and say,
"Good morning,
Lord," and there are
those who wake up in
the morning and say,
"Good Lord; it's morning."
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A
minister parked his car
in a no-parking zone in a
large city because he
was short of time and
couldn't find a space
with a meter.
Then he put a note under the
windshield wiper that read:
"I have circled the
block 10 times. If I don't
park here, I'll miss my
appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation
from a police officer along
with this note
"I've circled this
block for 10 years. If I don't
give you a ticket I'll lose
my job. Lead us not
into temptation."
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There is
the story of a pastor who
got up one Sunday and announced
to his congregation: "I
have good news and bad
news. The good news is, we
have enough money to
pay for our new building
program. The bad news
is, it's still out there in
your pockets."
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While
driving in Pennsylvania,
a family caught up to
an Amish carriage. The owner
of the carriage
obviously had a sense of
humor, because attached
to the back of the carriage
was a hand printed
sign... "Energy
efficient vehicle: Runs on oats
and grass. Caution: Do not
step in exhaust."
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A
Sunday school teacher
began her lesson with a
question, "Boys and
girls, what do we know about
God?"
A hand shot up in the
air. "He is an
artist!" said the kindergarten
boy.
"Really? How
do you know?" the
teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father,
who does art in
Heaven... "
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A minister
waited in line to have his
car filled with gas
just before a long holiday
weekend. The attendant
worked quickly, but there
were many cars ahead of
him. Finally, the attendant
motioned him toward a
vacant pump.
"Reverend," said
the young man,
"I'm so sorry about the
delay. It seems as if
everyone waits until the
last minute to get ready
for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I
know what you mean. It's the
same in my business."
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People
want the front of the
bus, the back of the church,
and the center of attention.
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Sunday after
church, a Mom asked her very
young daughter what the
lesson was about.
The daughter answered,
"Don't be scared,
you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was
perplexed. Later in
the day, the pastor stopped
by for tea and the Mom
asked him what that
morning's Sunday school lesson
was about.
He said "Be not afraid,
thy comforter is coming."
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The
minister was preoccupied
with thoughts of how he was
going to ask the
congregation to come up with
more money than they
were expecting for repairs
to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to
find that the regular
organist was sick and a
substitute had been
brought in at the last
minute. The substitute wanted
to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the
service," he said
impatiently. "But,
you'll have to think of
something to play after I
make the announcement
about the finances."
During the service, the
minister paused and said,
"Brothers and Sisters,
we are in great difficulty;
the roof repairs cost
twice as much as we expected
and we need $4,000
more. Any of you who can
pledge $100 or more, please
stand up."
At that moment, the
substitute organist played
"The Star Spangled
Banner."
And that is how the substitute
became the regular organist!
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When
you carry the Bible, Satan
gets a headache..... When
you open it, he
collapses..... When he sees
you reading it, he
faints..... When he sees
that you are living what you
read, he flees..... And when
you are about to forward
this message.... He will try
and discourage you.
I just defeated
him!!! Any other takers?
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
APRIL
2011
AN
ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
Submitted
By Robert Kuenzli
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To
the Guy
Who
Tried to
Mug Me
in
Downtown
Savannah
night
before
last.
Date:
2009-05-27,
1 :43
a.m. E.S.T.
I was
the guy
wearing
the
black Burberry
jacket
that you
demanded
that I
hand
over,
shortly
after
you
pulled
the
knife on
me and
my
girlfriend,
threatening
our
lives.
You also
asked
for my
girlfriend's
purse
and
earrings.
I can
only
hope
that you
somehow
come
across
this
rather
important
message.
First,
I'd like
to
apologize
for your
embarrassment;
I didn't
expect
you to
actually
crap in
your
pants
when I
drew my
pistol
after
you took
my
jacket..
The
evening
was not
that
cold,
and I
was
wearing
the
jacket
for a
reason..
My
girlfriend
had just
bought
me that
Kimber
Model
1911 .45
ACP
pistol
for my
birthday,
and we
had
picked
up a
shoulder
holster
for it
that
very
evening.
Obviously
you
agree
that it
is a
very
intimidating
weapon
when
pointed
at your
head ...
isn't
it?!
I
know it
probably
wasn't
fun
walking
back to
wherever
you'd
come
from
with
that
brown
sludge
in your
pants.
I'm sure
it was
even
worse
walking
bare-footed
since I
made you
leave
your
shoes,
cell
phone,
and
wallet
with me.
[That
prevented
you from
calling
or
running
to your
buddies
to come
help mug
us
again].
After
I called
your
mother
or
"Momma"
as you
had her
listed
in your
cell, I
explained
the
entire
episode
of what
you'd
done.
Then I
went and
filled
up my gas
tank
as well
as those
of four
other
people
in the
gas
station,
-- on
your
credit
card.
The guy
with the
big
motor
home
took 150
gallons
and was
extremely
grateful!
I
gave
your
shoes to
a
homeless
guy
outside
Vinnie
Van Go
Go's,
along
with all
the cash
in your
wallet.
[That
made his
day!]
I
then
threw
your
wallet
into the
big pink
"pimp
mobile"
that was
parked
at the
curb ...
after I
broke
the
windshield
and side
window
and
keyed
the
entire
driver's
side of
the car.
Later,
I called
a bunch
of phone
sex
numbers
from
your
cell
phone.
Ma Bell
just now
shut
down the
line,
although
I only
used the
phone
for a
little
over a
day now,
so what
's going
on with
that?
Earlier,
I
managed
to get
in two
threatening
phone
calls to
the DA's
office
and one
to the FBI,
while
mentioning
President
Obama as
my
possible
target.
The
FBI guy
seemed
really
intense
and we
had a
nice
long
chat (I
guess
while he
traced
your
number
etc.).
In
a way,
perhaps
I should
apologize
for not
killing
you ...
but I
feel
this
type of
retribution
is a far
more
appropriate
punishment
for your
threatened
crime. I
wish you
well as
you try
to sort
through
some of
these
rather
immediate
pressing
issues,
and can
only
hope
that you
have the
opportunity
to
reflect
upon,
and
perhaps
reconsider,
the
career
path
you've
chosen
to
pursue
in life.
Remember,
next
time you
might
not be
so
lucky.
Have a
good
day!
Thoughtfully
yours,
Alex
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
MARCH
2011
THE
PILL
Forwarded
by Dale Weber
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Grandma
and
Grandpa
were
visiting
Their
kids
overnight.
When
Grandpa
found a
bottle
of
Viagra
in
His
son's
medicine
cabinet,
he asked
About
using
one of
the
pills.
The son
said,
"I
don't
think
you
should
Take one
Dad;
they're
very
strong
And very
expensive."
"How
much?"
asked
Grandpa.
"$10.
A
pill,"
Answered
the son.
"I
don't
care,"
said
Grandpa,
"I'd
still
like to
Try one,
and
before
we leave
in the
Morning,
I'll put
the
money
Under
the
pillow."
Later
the next
morning,
the son
found
$110
under
the
pillow.
He
called
Grandpa
and
said,
"I
told
You each
pill was $10,
not
$110.
"I
know,"
said
Grandpa.
"The
Hundred
is from Grandma
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
APRIL
2011
ONE
BEDROOM APARTMENT
IN
TEXAS
Forwarded
by Jon C. Zimmerman
|
Do
you have
an old Grain
Bin?
Fix
it up!
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Thinking
outside
the box,
Real
Estate?
Check
out this
sweet
little
pad!
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LIVING
ROOM
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KITCHEN
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BEDROOM
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ENTRY
&
STAIRS
TO
2nd
LEVEL
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SHOWER
&
TOILET
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SINK
&
MIRROR
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This
place
seems
very
modern,
perhaps
like
something
you'd
see
in
a
swanky
high
rise
condo
or
town
house
near
the
city,
right?
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HERE'S
THE
INCREDIBLE
PART!
This
1
bedroom
loft
apartment
was
built
inside
a
1940's
grain
bin.
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It
was
renovated
into
this
upscale
unit
after
it
was
purchased
and
relocated
to
the
grounds
of
the
Gruene
Homestead
Inn
in
New
Braunfels
,
TX
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If
that's
not
creative
craftsmanship,
then
I
don't
know
what
is!
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Now,
would
you have
thought
to
do that
with the
old
silos on
the
farm?
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
APRIL
2011
Thinking
Outside of the Box
Forwarded
By Sgt. James S. Thornton
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LATERAL THINKING,
OR
THINKING OUTSIDE OF THE BOX
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Check out
your lateral thinking power!
The first 4 images are the
questions and the answers
are given at the end.
Please do not look at the
answers first, these are
really good. Try it.
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Question
1
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Question
2
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Question
3
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Question
4
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| ANSWERS |
1.
The last person took
the basket with the
egg in it.
2. All the other card
players were
women.
3. Pour the juice
from the second
glass into the
fifth.
4. The recluse lived
in a lighthouse.
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PASS
THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART
PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
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VISITING
AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE
APRIL
2011
NINE
WORDS WOMEN USE
Submitted
By Robert Kuenzli
|
NINE
WORDS
WOMEN
USE
|
| (1)
Fine
: |
This
is
the
word
women
use
to
end
an
argument
when
they
are
right
and
you
need
to
shut
up. |
| (2)
Five
Minutes
: |
If
she
is
getting
dressed,
this
means
a
half
an
hour.
Five
minutes
is
only
five
minutes
if
you
have
just
been
given
five
more
minutes
to
watch
the
game
before
helping
around
the
house. |
| (3)
Nothing
: |
This
is
the
calm
before
the
storm.
This
means
something,
and
you
should
be
on
your
toes.
Arguments
that
begin
with
nothing
usually
end
in
fine. |
| (4)
Go
Ahead
: |
This
is
a
dare,
not
a
permission
.
Don't
Do
It! |
| (5)
Loud
Sigh
: |
This
is
actually
a
word,
but
is
a
non-verbal
statement
often
misunderstood
by
men.
A
loud
sigh
means
she
thinks
you
are
an
ass
and
wonders
why
she
is
wasting
her
time
standing
here
and
arguing
with
you
about
nothing.
(Refer
back
to
#
3
for
the
meaning
of
nothing.) |
| (6)
That's
Okay
: |
This
is
one
of
the
most
dangerous
statements
a
woman
can
make
to
a
man.
That's
okay
means
she
wants
to
think
long
and
hard
before
deciding
how
and
when
you
will
pay
for
your
mistake. |
| (7)
Thanks
: |
A
woman
is
thanking
you,
do
not
question,
or
faint.
Just
say
you're
welcome.
(I
want
to
add
in
a
clause
here
-
This
is
true,
unless
she
says
'Thanks
a
lot'
-
that
is
PURE
sarcasm
and
she
is
not
thanking
you
at
all.
DO
NOT
say
'you're
welcome'.
That
will
bring
on
a
'whatever'). |
| (8)
Whatever
: |
Is
a
woman's
way
of
saying
"Go
to
hell."
(edited) |
| (9)
Don't
worry
about
it,
I
got
it
: |
Another
dangerous
statement,
meaning
this
is
something
that
a
woman
has
told
a
man
to
do
several
times,
but
is
now
doing
it
herself.
This
will
later
result
in
a
man
asking
'What's
wrong?'
For
the
woman's
response
refer
to
#3. |
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Send
this to
the men
you
know, to
warn
them
about
arguments
they
can
avoid if
they
remember
the
terminology.
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Send
this to
all the
women
you know
to give
them a
good
laugh,
....cause
they
know
it's
true!!!
THEN
RUN !!!
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