2011 Winter Mag Life Leisure

LANDESVERBAND USA

NEWSLETTER AND MAGAZINE

LIFE AND LEISURE

02/24/13

January February March 2011 Volume 6 Number 1

VISITING AUTHOR-ARTICLE

FEBRUARY 2011

NEW HOOVER DAM BYPASS

Forwarded by Eddy Palffy

American Aid Society, Chicago

The Federal Highway Administration, in conjunction with the Arizona Department of Transportation (ADOT) and the Nevada Department of Transportation (NDOT), officially opened the new segment of US 93, formally known as the Hoover Dam Bypass. Traffic began flowing on Tuesday night, October 19, 2010.

http://www.hooverdambypass.org/whats_new.htm

Purpose & Overview

Prior to completion of this project, the existing route of U.S. 93 used the top of Hoover Dam to cross the Colorado River. U.S. Highway 93 is the major commercial corridor between the states of Arizona, Nevada, and Utah; it is also on the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) route between Mexico and Canada. U.S. 93 was identified as a high priority corridor in the National Highway System Designation Act of 1995. The traffic congestion caused by the inadequacy of the existing highway across the dam imposed a serious economic burden on the states of Arizona, Nevada, and Utah.

The traffic volumes, combined with the sharp curves on U.S. 93 in the vicinity of Hoover Dam, created a potentially dangerous situation. A major catastrophe could occur, involving innocent bystanders, millions of dollars in property damage to the dam and its facilities, contamination of the waters of Lake Mead or the Colorado River, and interruption of the power and water supply for people in the Southwest.

By developing an alternate crossing of the river near Hoover Dam, through-vehicle and truck traffic are removed from the top of the dam. This new route eliminates the problems with the former highway--sharp turns, narrow roadways, inadequate shoulders, poor sight distance, and low travel speeds.

The purpose of the project was to accomplish the following objectives:

· Minimize the potential for pedestrian-vehicle accidents on the dam crest and on the Nevada and Arizona approaches to the dam.

· Remove a major bottleneck to interstate and international commerce and travel in the west by reducing traffic congestion and accidents in this segment of the major commercial route between Phoenix and Las Vegas.

· Replace an inadequate highway river crossing with a new crossing that meets current roadway design criteria and improves through-vehicle and truck traffic capacity on U.S. 93 at the dam.

· Reduce travel time in the dam vicinity.

· Protect Hoover Dam employees, visitors, equipment, power generation capabilities and Colorado River waters, while enhancing the visitors’ experience at Hoover Dam by:

§ Safeguarding dam and power plant facilities and the waters of Lake Mead and the Colorado River from hazardous spills or explosions.

§ Protecting the dam and power plant facilities from interruptions in electricity and water delivery.

§ Providing improved conditions for operating and maintaining Hoover Dam facilities.

http://www.hooverdambypass.org/purpose_overview.htm

Hoover Dam Bypass

People walk across the Mike O'Callaghan - Pat Tillman Memorial Bridge during dedication outside of Boulder City, Nev., on Thursday, Oct. 14, 2010. The bridge which will open to traffic in the near future will bypass the Hoover Dam.

(AP Photo/The Arizona Republic, David Wallace) Credit: ASSOCIATED PRESS

CLICK ON ADOT LOGO

FOR TIME LAPSE VIDEO

CLICK ON PROJECT IMAGE

FOR PPS SLIDESHOW

then, click "open"

and press "F5"

"INVINCIBLE" SCHWOBS ON A SKI-DOO

"CLICK" ON IMAGE FOR VIDEO

Forwarded By Sgt. James S. Thornton

VISITING AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE

FEBRUARY 2011

OBSERVATIONS ON GROWING OLDER

Forwarded by Jon C. Zimmerman

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN,

YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE,

SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

Observations on Growing Older

Your kids are becoming you, & you don't like 'em.

But your grandchildren are perfect!

Going out is good.

Coming home is better!

When people say you look "Great", they add . "for your age!"

When you needed the discount, you paid full price.

Now you get discounts on everything …

Movies, hotels, flights . But you're too tired to use them.

You forget names, but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!

The 5 lbs you wanted to lose is now 15, & you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 lbs.

You realize you're never going to be really good at anything ... Especially golf.

Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.

The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.

Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair w/the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's called his "pre-sleep".

Remember when your mother said,

"Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?

Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

You used to say,

"I hope my kids GET married.”

Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

You miss the days when everything worked w/just an "ON" & "OFF" switch.

When GOOGLE, ipod, email & modem were unheard of. And a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.

You tend to use more 4 letter words like "what?" & "when?".

Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

Your husband has a night out w/the guys,

But he's home by 9:00PM. Next week it will be 8:30PM.

You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?

What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

Everybody whispers.

Now that your husband has retired, you'd give anything if he'd find a job!

You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet . 2 of which you will never wear.

But old is good in some things:

Old songs, old movies,

And best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!!

Love you, "OLD FRIEND!"

Send this on to other "Old Friends!" & let them laugh in AGREEMENT!!!

It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived.

VISITING AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE

FEBRUARY 2011

TOO MUCH SNOW ?

Forwarded by Dale Weber

TOO, TOO, TOO MUCH SNOW!!

These pictures were taken in Lead, South Dakota, on January 5, 2011.

That's just off I-90 close to Rapid City near the Wyoming border.

VISITING AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE

JANUARY 2011

2011 CONTRACT 2011

Forwarded by Jon C. Zimmerman

2011 Contract

After serious & cautious consideration,

your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2011.

It was a very hard decision to make... So try not to screw it up!!!

My Wish for You in 2011

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 notes.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.

May the problems you had forget your home address!

In simple words:

May 2011 be the best year of your life !!!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year !!!

VISITING AUTHOR-ARTICLE

JANUARY 2011

AMERICAN AID SOCIETY

?? EVER WONDER ??

Forwarded by American Aid Society, Chicago

Seniorengruppe Weisheit

??? EVER WONDER ???

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

And if flying is so safe, then why do they call it an airport terminal?

??? EVER WONDER ???

VISITING AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE

JANUARY 2011

St. Louis German Cultural Society

Lady, You've Got a Big Foot

By Nikolaus Messmer

Forwarded From German Cultural Society, St. Louis

Man erzählt hier von einer nicht mehr allzu jungen donauschwäbischen Landsfrau, die erst kurze Zeit im Land war und sich Schuhe kaufen wollte. Wo der Schuhladen war, wusste sie schon, weil ihr Weg zur Arbeit doch dort fast vorbeiführte. Sie konnte aber nur einige Worte Englisch, der Verkäufer kaum ein Wort Deutsch, und vom ‘Schwowische’ hatte der überhaupt keine Ahnung.

,,Ich breicht halt a Paar Schuh”, sagte die Frau und zeigte auf ihre Füße. Sie hatte sich die Geste ruhig ersparen können, denn der Begriff hört sich auf deutsch und englisch fast gleich an, und schließlich war es ja ein Schuhgeschäft. “You need a pair of shoes”, sagte der Mann freundlich und zeigte auf einen Stuhl. “Please have a seat!”

Im Nu saß er vor ihr auf einem kleinen Hocker und half ihr die Schuhe auszuziehen, um ein besseres Bild zu bekommen, wie groß die neuen Schuhe eigentlich sein sollten. “Boy”, dachte er, “she’s got some dandies!” Das waren schon so richtige Flossen, kurz und breit. Weder DIN noch irgendeine amerikanische Norm hatte diese Größe erfasst.

Sie schaute sich auch ihre Füße an und sie wusste, dass sie etwas breiter waren. Sie wollte es ja auch dem Verkäufer erklären, doch der war inzwischen nach hinten gegangen um Schuhe zu holen und sie konnte es ihm sowieso nicht verständlich machen. Und so redete sie halt mit sich selbst: ,,Ja, wann mer sei halwes Lewe en de Bluchbatsche uffm Hottar rumgelaaf is ...” Bevor sie aber den Satz zu Ende bringen konnte, war der Verkäufer wieder da.

“Well, let’s try these.” Er hatte drei verschiedene Schachteln Schuhe mitgebracht. Er versuchte dieses Paar, dann das nächste und das nächste. Soviel sich die beiden auch bemühten, sie konnten die Schuhe nicht ankriegen. Diese waren schon eineinhalb englische Nummern länger als sie sein sollten, waren aber noch immer zu eng.

Da fiel dem Verkäufer plötzlich die englische Version des deutschen Märchens Aschenbrödel ein und er konnte das Grinsen kaum verbergen. “Glass slippers”, dachte er und versuchte, sich auf den Namen des Märchens zu erinnern. “Cinderella!”, fiel es ihm plötzlich ein und er lächelte, “Cinderella!”. Bevor er aber zurückging, um größere Schuhe zu holen, sagte er in seinem freundlichen Ton, aber immer noch lächelnd: “Lady, you’ve got a big foot!”

Das hätte er nicht sagen sollen. Es war, als ob der Blitz eingeschlagen hätte, als ob die gläsernen Schuhe plötzlich in tausend Scherben zerbrochen waren. Denn die Alte, überzeugt, dass sich die Bemerkung des Verkäufers nicht auf ihren Fuß, sondern auf einen anderen Teil ihrer Anatomie bezog, schaute den Kerl ein bisschen schief an und sagte verbissen: ,,Gell, du Schwein, du hascht g’schaut!” Und schon hatte sie ihren alten Schuhe wieder an und war aus dem Laden verschwunden.

Inzwischen stand der Verkäufer da, wie man in Sacklas sagt, wie die Kuh vorm neije Tor. “It must have been something I said”, sagte er, “but what?”

as retold by

Nikolaus Messmer

Our own stories: Humor by accident

The German Immigrants and the English Language

VISITING AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE

FEBRUARY 2011

OXYMORONS

Forwarded by Jon C. Zimmerman

[An oxymoron (plural oxymorons or oxymora) (from Greek ὀξύμωρον, "sharp dull") is a figure of speech that combines contradictory terms.]
	1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
	7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? 10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? 12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? 14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things? 15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
	16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? 17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? 20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? 22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 23. How come abbreviated is such a long word? 24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
	25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one? 27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks? 28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
I dunno, why do we?

VISITING AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE

JANUARY 2011

St. Louis German Cultural Society

My Hobby

by George Taubel

Forwarded From German Cultural Society, St. Louis

I have been a stamp collector for many years; the hobby has given me a lot of pleasure and diversion. I have met a lot of nice people and corresponded with many collectors in foreign countries for years. I even visited some of them while traveling in Europe and was welcomed warmly.

I started stamp collecting about the time I attended Grade School. In our village we spoke only German. The classes were taught in German and the subjects were history, poetry and grammar. We even had to learn to write in the old Gothic script and since the Cyrillic letters were the official alphabet of the country, we had to be able to read and write it also. In daily usage the “Latin” lettering was in use – actually, we had to know three alphabets.

Most of the older men of our village had served in the Austro-Hungarian Army and were stationed all over the Empire. They sent letters and postcards home which were eventually stored in attics and other out-of-the-way places. I started rummaging through our attic and found many interesting things, amongst them old letters, postcards and documents with stamps on them. The stamps showed pictures of kings, cities, countries, different people in various clothing and other fascinating things. I asked my friends to look for letters and postcards and let me have them.

I collected the stamps on my own initiative without knowing how to save, display or store them. I tried to peel the stamps off the envelopes but did not succeed, I only tore up the stamps. I cut off the comers with the stamps and put them away. Once, when rummaging through my hoard, one stamp still on paper, fell into a wash basin and when I removed it I could easily peel the paper off its back. When dry I stored them in books to keep them flat. I had no idea how to store and display my stamps, there was nobody around who could tell me as stamp collecting was not known in our area.

When I completed Grade School and there was no higher school in our village I was enrolled in high school in a nearby city. I walked to school, it was not far away. The only time it was uncomfortable was during inclement weather. The school I attended was only taught in Croatian and I had a rough time, discipline was strongly enforced and it was not unusual to get slapped in the face. At the time political tensions rose and there was talk of war. Ever since the state of Yugoslavia was established a noticeable trend of Pan Slavism was evident.

Some teachers indicated that our ancestors were settled there to take the land over. Towards the end of my first year of High School war broke out and our area was occupied by the German Army. A German High School was established and German speaking students from surrounding villages were urged to transfer to the German school from the Croatian School. A director from Vienna was hired for the school. Because there were a lot of German speaking students from the surrounding villages all lessons were conducted in German.

As time went by living conditions became more and more difficult, particularly as food was concerned. It was too far to go home for lunch so my mother fixed lunch for me which consisted mostly of homemade bread and homemade smoked cold cuts. My Sandwich could be smelled in the whole classroom and made the hungry city dwellers drool. One day I was approached by one of the boys who told me he had heard that I was a stamp collector and offered me five stamps for part of my sandwich. I agreed to the trade and he gave me five stamps every day.

Living conditions in our area became worse every day. Guerillas attacked villages, blew up railroad tracks and made life miserable. In late 1944, I was ordered to report to the Croatian Labor Service; I was 16 years old at the time. While I was gone my parents were forced to flee from our village and I lost contact with them.

When the war was over I searched for my family and finally found them in Steyr, Austria. One day I ran into the boy who had traded stamps for food and we talked about our wartime experiences. He asked me what happened to my stamps and I told him they were lost like all of our possessions. He said he was an altar boy while we were at school and helped the priest on every morning to get ready for mass. Every day he stole 5 stamps from the priest’s collection and gave them to me as a trade for part of my Sandwich.

We lived in Austria for seven years, and then immigrated to the United States. After I learned to speak English, I started to look for stamp collectors. I found several collectors clubs and joined the “Germany Philatelic Society”, I have been a member for 40 years and have enjoyed my association with the friendly and helpful members.

by George Taubel

VISITING AUTHOR/EDITOR ARTICLE

FEBRUARY 2011

AARP QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Submitted By Robert Kuenzli

Questions and Answers from AARP Forum

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under fiction..

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt .."

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it is the problem..

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT?